Post-Thanksgiving food coma feels

Yes, I’m still full. Full of thanksgiving food but also full of gratitude (sorry that transition was so cheesy). This was my first Thanksgiving away from my family and I decided to spend the morning a little bit differently than I had in the past. Normally my Thanksgiving starts off with some cinnamon rolls and the Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade. My mom is normally in the kitchen, doing all of the baking she should have done the night before, and then we roll over to our family thanksgiving a good 20 minutes late.   No worries, I still got my traditional cinnamon rolls and even enjoyed a traditional holiday feast later on in the day…but I spent my morning feeding the homeless just a few miles away from my place.

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Fellow Clippers ladies Carsyn, Mikayla, Kyla and myself

I had always seen photos and heard people tell stories about the homeless in LA- particularly in skid row, but I had never seen it in its fullest. Of course, it’s no secret that there is an overwhelming about of homeless people in Los Angeles. In fact, LA county has the largest homeless population in the country. But what’s wild to me is just how close to the high rent and lavish areas they are living. People are within blocks of each other living polar opposite lives. Someone is living in a penthouse apartment enjoying top shelf wine and online shopping for the holidays while, less than a mile away, someone is living on the street unsure of where their next meal is coming from. How can there be a lifestyle difference of that degree within the same block??

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Anyway. It’s the holidays and no matter who you are, everyone deserves to spend them with full bellies and a smile on their face. This year, I’ve been so lucky to make some incredible new friends- one of them being my fellow Clippers spirit member Kyla. She and her family organized a donations based food/clothing drive for Thanksgiving morning. We all met downtown, packed meals and care packages and headed to set up shop to start the hand outs.

img_8028Going into the morning, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. Like I said, I had only ever seen photos or driven past a few tents under an overpass. Once we parked our cars and started walking around, I was stunned. It was unlike anything I had ever seen. Initially, I thought we would be volunteering at an actual homeless shelter or mission. But we took it into our own hands and set up a folding table with all of our meals (complete with dessert) on 7th and San Pedro, if I remember correctly. Not 30 seconds after we set up, we had a line of about 20 people. Most all of them expressed their extreme gratitude and even stayed to chat with us for a little bit.

I know it’s not much, but even being able to help out the people on that block alone gave me such a warm feeling along with a wake up call. I think in the past, I had been too scared to open myself up to even seeing that side of life. I preferred to live in my own little bubble, blissfully unaware that was a life that people so close to me in proximity lived. It’s so easy, especially living in LA, to get wrapped up in material things. I’m guilty of it for sure. I think we all are. Seeing this side of life gave me a whole new outlook on the lifestyle I live. A whole new level of gratitude for my upbringing and all of the blessings I have received. And finally, a whole new motivation to help in whatever way I can.  I’m so thankful for Kyla and the friends who organized and participated in this event. Thank you for reminding me just how blessed we are and what Thanksgiving is all about.

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Year two

I’m not sure how this is physically possible, but after what have been the most lightening speed 365 days of my entire life, I’ve officially lived in Los Angeles for a year. How? Feels like just yesterday I was loading up my Kia Sorento to the brim to start on the 27 hour journey to my apartment at Academy Village, so naively excited to be an official Californian.

Fast forward to today and I could never have predicted that I would be writing this from a studio apartment in DTLA about 3 friends down and 6 jobs later. To quote old school Taylor Swift and good ole Ed Sheeran, everything has changed.

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Last you heard from me, Kelly was leaving me for the cruise ship. Update on that: she’s loving it. Although the wifi is spotty, it’s the best thing ever to get 30 second Facetimes from her, chillin’ on random islands. She told me she literally goes to bed not knowing where she’s going to wake up on. Not sure if this is because that’s the standard cruise ship life or because she sucks at reading the itinerary, but either way- what an exciting job. Kristyn is about a month in of living in Los Vegas and is thriving. She’s already had a few dance gigs out there and seems to be loving it. Annie’s Visa just ended so she’s back in Australia and currently recovering from getting her dang tonsils out (FINALLY). Seriously though, this is a big deal cause she had strep 9 times during her stay in LA. But what’s even more exciting is that she’s about to choreograph Perth’s We Will Rock You the musical!!! Jordan’s still in LA and has been side job free for several months now and is killing it with dance, videography and photography. Yay for friends doing things. Even if that means leaving me in the dust over here in LA. It’s fine. I’m fine.

After much searching around and string pulling, I finally landed the apartment of my dreams. Seriously, it’s really hard to leave the complex cause I love it so big. I’ve pretty much been wanting to have a studio apartment since I was 19 so this is major. I’ve only ever had good roommate experiences, but there’s something about coming home to your own space that just feels so good. I will say the process of moving was the funniest thing ever. Obviously I don’t own a truck and am not the most skilled at moving a full size bed 30 minutes down the freeway, so I hired movers. Very strange experience for me cause I’m the worst at sitting back and letting other people take the wheel. I had an interview right after the move was scheduled, so I’m like ‘great, I’ll dress up and then I won’t be as tempted to try to help the movers!!’ Wrong. They had to tell me to (kindly) back off like 5 times. I felt like a Beverly Hills housewife sitting on my counter on the phone in my heels telling them where to unload things. After a hefty target run and a large order from Urban’s home decor section, it’s starting to feel a little bit more like home. AND I HAVE TV NOW. Have yet to turn it on but COOL!! Once everything arrives and I finally unpack all of my boxes, I’ll do a little post on my bachelorette pad.

Clippers has been keeping me pretty busy with the craziness of basketball season. But I really do love it. Performing at the Staples center is a dream and the team is made up of so many incredible women. I feel like I’ve known for much longer than a few months. Between that, my current side job, the job search, class, auditions and my newly rejuvenated love for fitness I can’t say I’ve had a lot of downtime. I guess for those of you that know me, this is no shocker. I’m the absolute worst at downtime. Which is why it’s been ages since you’ve heard from me. I must say, it feels great to write again and (even though I’ve said this in probably every post I’ve put out there in the past year) I’m pretty set on getting a consistent posting schedule going. So get ready for a little bit of post overload (I’m sure at least my family is happy to hear this).

Okay yay. I think that oughta do it for now. Bring on year two!!

City of goodbyes

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT A LONGER, SAPPIER VERSION OF MY INSTAGRAM FAREWELL TO KELLY.

And, for those of you who skimmed past my ridiculously long Instagram caption the other day (I really don’t blame you because as I said, it was ridiculously long and reading is hard), I said goodbye for now to one of my best friends. Kelly booked a cruise y’all!!! SO proud of that human. She leaves to dance her way around the world aboard the Regent 7 Seas Navigator in about a week after stopping by home. Taking her to the airport was such a bittersweet moment for Kristyn and I. Definitely had all the nostalgia feels (tell me why I started crying when I saw a sign that said “airport”….annoying) and couldn’t help but replay this last year in my head a million times. We’ve all come so far, but freaking Kelly literally accomplished her biggest goal in under a year!!! Incredible. I feel like a proud mom over here. Buuuuut. I definitely have a selfish side of me that wishes she was still gonna be around for the next 6 months because #twinbeds. Luckily one of the best friends that I’ve made out here, Annie has now become my twin bed mate (I say mate because she’s from Australia). Then I’m like, oh shit I can’t get too comfy here cause she leaves to go back to Australia in November…and then I got to thinking. Damn, there have been so many friends that I’ve made out here that I have already said goodbye to and many more that are coming up.

I guess that’s part of living in such a creative city that has its roots embedded so deeply into the entertainment industry. People come here for the opportunities…I know I did. That doesn’t necessarily mean you stay here for whatever those opportunities may be. Obviously there are a lot of jobs in the city, but there are just as many (if not more) that travel. Which is so cool because who doesn’t want to see the world? I definitely have a bit of a travel bug, so I don’t blame anyone for leaving. I would do the exact same if I booked a dream job that led me elsewhere (for a short period of time anyway). People are coming and going. Frequently. Then those jobs connect them to other jobs that travel and the cycle continues. Honestly, LA kind of just feels like a temporary home to creatives. Myself included. Don’t get me wrong, I really do see myself as a lifer in California. I mean I’ve been wanting to live here since I was about 10 years old…but I know I won’t stay in LA for the rest of my life. But for now, it makes sense for 22 year old me. I’m loving the Clippers and I feel like my journey in this city is just getting started.

It is kind of funny that I ended up here, though…since I am the worst human in the world at goodbyes. Like do I hug you? Will I see you again? I don’t really miss people that often so I probably won’t miss you that much…or will I? What if you fall out of touch with me purposefully? And I swear to God it takes all I have not to sarcastically say “see ya never!!!” when I should actually be taking the farewell seriously (public apology to anyone I ever said that to). Living here and being thrown into constantly making friends who peace out of LA has helped me grow as a person though. I definitely went through a phase during, and even after college, where I didn’t know how to #emotion. And while I definitely still struggle being vulnerable, I’ve realized how important it is to tell those influential people in your life how much they mean to you and just how hard the goodbye (or see ya later) is for you.

 

What just happened (August in a nutshell)

I feel slightly as if I have just been placed inside my NutriBullet (the best) and blended into a soft smoothie. That is Holly speak for “Holy shit this month was &#*@&$^ crazy, what day is it?” From my first choreography weekends with the Clippers, to a whirlwind trip home to teach and see friends, to our first annual college reunion, to a trip to Utah and ending with Las Vegas…it’s a shock that I’m somehow in one place with minimal things missing and forgotten in any of these states (round of applause for me cause this seriously never happens). Tired, a bit dazed and definitely groggy, I can’t help but feel overwhelmingly thankful for all of the insane sights and incredible people I got to spend money I don’t have with this month. And consequentially slightly scared for a September of savings and hermit-living. Let’s avoid that thought and dive in.

Home is Where ze Heart is

Originally I was supposed to head back to Iowa the first of August to do some choreography and stay there until just before my birthday. After making the team, I had to rearrange my travel plans a bit. It was crazy how willing everyone was to accommodate to my new schedule. It felt like it was truly meant to be. Going home is always a bit of a challenge for me. I’m always stuck somewhere between wanted to make up for lost time with everyone and wanting to be glued to my couch with my dog in my lap and my parents by my side. This time, since I have no clue when I’ll be back to Iowa, I spent the weeks leading up to my trip home (which now happened from the 10th-18th) frivolously planning the next week. No like I literally had a shared google document with my family so they knew when I was going to be where….#extra. Long story short, and so so so not surprising, I put way too much on my plate. As in I spent a total of 2 nights at my actual house. Between teaching and visiting friends (visits that were LONG overdue), I went from Minneapolis to Cedar Rapids to Des Moines to Oskaloosa to Cedar Falls to Pella over to Ankeny to Eldridge and finally to Hampton before heading back to Minneapolis to catch my flight home. Exhausting, yes, but spending the time near my birthday surrounded by my best friend, my parents, my extended family and my second family (the Carrikers), was exactly what the doctor ordered.

WE AREN’T IN COLLEGE ANYMORE

Which brings me to the college crew and I’s first annual college reunion back in Los Angeles. Since I had to change travel plans last minute, I ended up missing the first 2 nights. But believe me when I say we made up for it once I got back into town. We started with lots of catching up and reminiscing. So wild what different lives we all live. I mean one of us is responsible for the lives of elementary students for God’s sake!!! Even after all this time, the support and pride we all have for each other’s accomplishments is so special.  It’s rare to find a group of friends like these girls. We all are equally horrible at keeping constant contact with each other, but the second we all sit down it’s like no time has passed at all. That is until you try to drink alcohol the way you did the last time you were all reunited. I truly believe something happens to your body when you graduate that says NOPE to alcohol. I had just turned 22 and the day after was my first….drum roll please….TWENTY-FOUR HOUR HANGOVER!!!!!! So fun!!!! What a perfect way to spend your ride in the passenger seat to  LAX to drop off the first few friends!!! Feeling slightly green in the gills and sad to see my friends leave, we headed back for one grand finale with Payton and Maddi (the last two standing in LA). By grand finale I mean we ate Italian food and fell asleep before 10 pm. It was, yet again, a successful trip filled with way too many laughs and a few too many drinks. I’m so thankful for you guys and even more proud to call you my friends.

Why am I in Utah??

The next weekend I found myself at Zion National park with Kelly and my friend Josh from high school. Come on friends meeting friends!!! I hadn’t really paid a visit to many national parks before my 3 day venture to California with Kelly and her dad; we had stopped off in Utah and went to Bryce Canyon last November. Since then and because I am becoming #LA my newfound love for hiking has surfaced and I’ve been dying to visit a few more parks. Wish granted. We spent our first day hiking doing an 8 mile round trip hike to Observation Point. Lol. Eight Miles. Not going to lie, it kicked my ass a bit. We all kept each other motivated (crucial for anyone trying to hike anything like this) and hydrated (also crucial) an let me just say- the view was SO worth it. Also there were cute af little chipmunks up there that really wanted to be my friend. After four miles back to the shuttle bus (thank god for that) we were dead tired and ready for Josh-made tacos. That was our go to the entire weekend, by the way…tacos on tacos on tacos. The next day we did the hike through the virgin river (yes, any joke you can think of was already made during our hike). So let me start by saying this hike was a bit of a beast of its own. You’re pretty much walking in water anywhere from ankle-level to shoulder-level the entire time. And the surface we were walking on was less than stable. Slippery rocks for everyone!!! And what’s more, I’m apparently awful at footing. Put it all together and what do we have?? Me face-first in the water about 242842 times…and lots of random strangers getting quite the ab work out from my antics. All was made well when I snagged a high five from a squirrel i affectionately named Brutus.

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Meet Brutus.

Viva Las I’mNeverGoingBackTo Vegas

I spent Labor Day weekend in Vegas with my new Clippers fam. So. Fun. We filled our cars full of snacks and plenty of 2000’s hip hop and headed out of LA on the 4 hour drive. We started off pretty mellow (is that a thing in Vegas?) with 1Oak the first night. We went for 2 chainz and stayed for Hannah’s dance moves. What I mean by that is that Sir 2 chainz was about 2 hours late to his own show and w hen he finally came out it was 2:30 am and he was in a wheelchair….definitely quite the sight to see.

On Saturday we did the LIQUID pool at the Aria followed by a BOMBASF (free) dinner at TAO before going to their night club. A few funny things to note: any and all dancing (or falling) that happened at LIQUID, all videos in slow motion are 1 million times better, I scored some really stylish flip flops from TAO because #HeelsareHard. What’s even harder is the drive home from Vegas (shout out Courtney for that). Aside from the 24 hour hangovers I now endure from just looking at alcohol, this weekend was so so needed. Can’t wait for the rest of the years with these gals and am pumped to be back to the rehearsal grind after the long weekend.

Stability…ish?

Lit (actually sorNow I’m back in LA from here on out. While this past month was quite honestly the time of my life (seriously I felt like I lived out all of my summer dreams in 31 days), I’m so so ready to be back and refocused with new goals as I come up on my ONE YEAR LA ANNIVERSARY!!! How in the world.

Buuuut the craziness isn’t over yet- we’ve got one roommate moving states, one moving out, an Aussie moving in (hey Annie), another roommate heading aboard a ship for 6 months and me moving apartments. It’s definitely hard to find consistency in this crazy place, but this has been the adventure of a lifetime and I’m so ready for even more new ones. *Insert shameless plug for the 3-day juice cleanse I’m starting tomorrow and the blog that will commence afterwards #adventure #staytuned #signingoffnow*

This summer is LIT

Yes, I said lit. Am I sorry? Not really.

I have finally decided to take a second to breathe and give a little update on the last two months out here (which have been, you guessed it, lit).

I spent a lot of time in May fine tuning my goals. I wanted to perform, network and ultimately improve in all aspects of my life from mind to body. Seems lofty. To make sure I was headed in the direction of all of these things, I held myself accountable to doing the proper behind the scenes work. As long as I was doing something each day to get closer to where I wanted to be, even if it’s just visualizing or writing it down, I chalked it up as another day of moving the needle forward. Staying positive and not being hard on myself has always been a struggle of mine (those who know me know I’m the world’s biggest perfectionist), so making the commitment to switch from my biggest critic to my biggest fan was most definitely the hardest part. But holy moly is manifestation a real thing.

In June, I finally got to perform. Not just once, but three times. It’s crazy how quick you forget what it feels like to be on stage. It truly is unlike anything else. It’s ultimately why we, as dancers, sacrifice so much to pursue this career. Always in pursuit of that feeling. Not to mention, I was able to meet so many incredible people and further current relationships in the process of rehearsing for these performances. From there, I had so much momentum rolling. So much motivation and so many things on my plate but I LOVED it. I was busy every single day (hence why it’s August and I’m just now talking about June). My mind was in the right place and I was seeing a direct link to my dancing. Auditions were going well, opportunities were coming my way and LA finally felt like home. Feels like home.

Then it was July.

…which wish literally 4 seconds long. I started off with a great holiday weekend spent with awesome friends and rooftop fireworks that left me overwhelmingly thankful for the relationships I have made since moving to Los Angeles. So many outstanding individuals that have played a huge part in making the transition here a seamless one. I continued to stay busy; started a new job, continued to audition, took class, spent way too much money on foodie things, rehearsed for performances and even a video shoot and then somehow fit some time in there to have a visitor.

At the end of July I auditioned to dance for the NBA as part of Clippers Spirit. I went into the audition optimistic but also aware that there were probably going to be near 400 dancers who are just as talented and qualified as me (if not more). Throughout the audition process, I tapped into that same mindset that I had at the beginning of June. I had gone to a lot of auditions prior to this one just because they were open call and I had happen to hear about them. I’m not signed yet, so I literally go to any and every audition I hear about. But this one was different. I wanted this. Badly.

After lots of dance, nerves and sweat (seriously I looked like I had just gotten out of the shower), my number was announced. Second to last might I add- talk about stress. AHH. I could not believe it. Still can’t. I’m so so thankful for this opportunity and now that I’ve had my first rehearsal weekend and I have my uniforms (!!!) it finally feels official. This next year is going to be such a ride and I can’t wait.

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SHAMELESS PLUG AHEAD (you’ve been warned):

You can read more about my audition experience here! Before auditioning I  looked all over for a blog from former members, so I figured I would start keeping up with my experience for other people who are also interested. Stay tuned for more updates!

I ended July with a bucket list evening at the Hollywood Bowl with Kristyn and Kelly. Have I mentioned that I freaking love musicals??? We got cheap af tickets to see Mama Mia and I’ll just start off by saying that I was already crying before the National Anthem was over. Nice. I must say, if you haven’t been to a show at the Hollywood Bowl then PUT IT ON YOUR TO DO LIST. We had so much fun (and you can read about this experience here). ← shameless plug number two, oops.

And now we are officially caught up. It’s August (MY BIRTHDAY MONTH DON’T YOU FORGET IT) and great things are on the horizons. I start regular rehearsals for Clippers, head home to teach and see family, TURN 22, have my dysFUNctional friends come to LA, AND head to Utah at the end of the month.

Wahoooo! Until later, friends.

When the beach teaches you more than you learned in college

I’ve been trying to explore a little bit more. As I’ve said before, I’ve gotten pretty comfortable in the stretch between North Hollywood to Studio City. Which is great news that I’m sure my friends and family back home love to hear! I’M COMFY HERE!!! But now that Summer is around the corner and I feel at home, I decided to make a list of places and activities I need to accomplish or see. Time to branch out and really explore California beyond the valley. And let me tell ya, I’m finding some good stuff. Like did you know there’s Yoga on the ocean?!!??! It’s literally called YOGAQUATICS. I’m 200% sure I’ll fall off the board but that’s a for sure on the list.

I started my quest this week with El Matador State beach in Malibu. I’ve been craving a solo beach day pretty much since I moved in. Now that it’s finally hot and I have a few performances coming up this month, it’s the perfect time to get my tan on. I’ve been bad lately (mom don’t read this part) about not wearing sunscreen and, learning from Kristyn the lobster’s mistakes, (okay mom, start reading again) I doused myself with SPF 15 before heading out the door. My whole ride to the beach was filled with good jams and light traffic- finally starting to get the hang of the traffic patterns.IMG_1743Once I got there, I noticed that it was pretty overcast; cold, even. Even so, I figured I would spend a good three hours there and that it probably felt different once I got down to the actual beach. Figuring all this in, I paid for 3 hours of parking up front. Oh and I forgot to mention I got beachside parking. That literally never happens.

It seemed like the stars were aligning for me to have a fun-in-the-sun beach day and who knows, maybe I’ll even meet some cool new people on the beach since I’ve been on a roll with that! If not, I already had plans to call back the 27392 people who I’m still lucky to call friends after absolutely SUCKING at staying in touch (shoutout to you guys!!!). When I finally got down to the beach, the people were sparse, the wind was strong and it was even colder than I thought it would be. Great.IMG_1763In my head, I was initially pissed that I had just driven 45 minutes, paid for parking and hyped up this day so much. I went back and forth between wanting to find a beach beach, thinking that maybe if I walked down far enough, I could just keep my same parking spot? Or maybe I should just go back to a space that I knew. Zuma? Maybe even by the pier. But then I looked around…

Damn. This place was beautiful. I felt like I was on the set of Lemony Snicket’s version of the Little Mermaid, complete with rocks and full of cloudy gloom. How did I miss all of this when I first arrived? How did I ever even have the thought to leave?IMG_1757Naturally, when I began to take in the beauty of El Matador, I pulled out my phone to post photos on every form of social media I could. Dumb. And the beach said “nope.” There is absolutely zero cell service down there. It’s like I was meant to be there alone with just my thoughts and the crash of the ocean against the rocks. Completely disconnected.

Not going to lie, I struggled at first. But I learned so much from my adventure that day. IMG_1798After a few hours of writing, thinking and exploring I packed up my things and headed to a cute little place called Sun Life Organics (another spot on my list). They literally have a drink with all of my favorite things: banana, raw almond butter, hemp milk and even coffee. That’s basically Holly in a shake. AND IT’S CALLED THE BLACK GOLD. Fricken GO HAWKS!

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How cool ^^^

Driving home, Black Gold in hand, I wasn’t so lucky with traffic. But I did have plenty of time to reflect on my exploration at El Matador and what the beach had taught me that day.

Sometimes you don’t get what you expected, but you get what you needed.

Word vomit

If you saw my Instagram or Facebook post then you probably knew this was coming. And quite honestly, I imagine this being a little bit difficult to type. Really I’m not even sure if it’ll make the cut and be published but here we go anyway.

As you may well know, I have two dogs who are, as I like to say, “old as dirt.” Had two dogs. Yesterday, I received a message from my parents asking me to give them a call after  my dance class. Of course my intuition immediately knew that something was up. I wondered if I had sent them a text that I meant to send to a friend or maybe they got a few of my parking tickets in the mail. Especially when I called on my way home and they said it would be better if I waited to take the call until I was at home and out of the car. By then I had had it. I needed to know what was going on and when I asked for a hint they simply said “It’s about Bear.”

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This didn’t come as a huge surprise to me. When I was home a few weeks ago, we had noticed that she was moving a little bit slower. My dad has basically had Rottweilers his entire life and most of them had some sort of issue involving their bones ranging from minor joint pain to full fledged bone cancer. We assumed that this may be the case, and so did her vet, so we ended up buying her some treats that were designed specifically for joint pain. We noticed an improvement, but we also noticed some strange lumps forming on her belly. Those aren’t related to joint pain…

They had grown a decent amount between the time I left for California and when I returned home last month. We had had the vet check them out a few times and we had basically decided to keep an eye on the lumps and her disposition to see if there were any changes for the worse.

If you read my last blog, you also know that I did I shitty job of seeing all of my friends back in Iowa. For some reason I couldn’t get myself to leave my parents or my dogs. Now it makes sense. I spent the entire week cuddled up to bear. My parents said they hadn’t seen her that social and lovey dovey in months. She knew. But I could have never prepared myself for the phone call I received last night.

She was gone. They took her to the vet to have her lumps, they had grown significantly since I had returned back to California, drained and checked out. The vet found more than what he had bargained for. It was cancer and it had spread. A lot. Still on the operating table, the vet called my parents. They were faced with the decision of putting her through extensive surgery, recovery, pain and (maybe) a few more weeks of life or letting her go in peace.

Bear left us around noon yesterday. I can’t imagine how different my house in Iowa is. No one to steal the good couch or squeeze on with. Fluffy (our other dog) is probably lost. In fact, I know she is. But I also know that she knows what happened. She got in the habit of leaving a few little crumbs of her soft food for Bear to finish off. Last night, my parents said that she ate every bite. She knew Bear wasn’t coming home. I just can’t help but wish that we had the same instinct.

It feels like my family is down one member. One unconditional lover who didn’t care if we got fired from a job or had a shitty day or even yelled at her one hour before.

I’m beginning to learn how I work a little bit better and called today off specifically for this blog post. I had full intention of doing what I normally do. Go on as if I’m unaffected, afterall, I’m halfway across the country. But I stopped. Called my dad and said “not this time.” I needed to get this out. I needed to deal with it in the moment and be present in it. In the painful, empty and sheer realness of it. Otherwise, I’m going to feel it x20 in three months like I always do. To make this even more of a growing experience, I challenged myself to write this in public. Why? Because I knew I would cry and crying in front of people makes me want to crawl out of my skin. But I let it happen. I needed to let it happen, to not wear a mask as I so often do.

So to finish up, thanks for reading this. Sometimes the only thing that makes me feel better is just letting my fingers do their thing on the keyboard while I turn my brain off. That being said, I’m making the choice not to proofread this.

 

Give your furry friends some extra love today. They can teach you so much.